Catholic
Education Raising kids, raising parents
RAISING KIDS WHO
CARE By Kathleen O'Connell Chesto Sheed & Ward, 128 pages,
$12.95 paper |
GROWING IN WISDOM,
AGE AND GRACE: A GUIDE FOR PARENTS IN THE RELIGIOUS EDUCATION OF THEIR
CHILDREN By Cardinal Joseph Bernardin Sadlier, 104 pages, $12
paper |
FOOD FOR YOUR
FAMILY'S SPIRIT: MODELS, IDEAS AND RESOURCES FOR FAMILY SPIRITUAL FORMATION
AND RELIGIOUS EDUCATION By Laurie N. Bowen Sheed & Ward, 170
pages, $14 paper |
BETWEEN FATHERS AND
SONS By Michael Smith, SJ Ave Maria Press, 144 pages,
$16.95 |
CAN YOU FIND
JESUS? INTRODUCING YOUR CHILD TO THE GOSPEL By Philip D.
Gallery; illustrated by Janet L. Harlow St. Anthony Messenger Press,
44 pages, $15.95 hardcover |
By JUDITH BROMBERG
OK! Listen up, you parents out
there. Also you teachers, directors of religious education, youth ministers and
even small-group facilitators. This review has something for you.
All five of these books start with the premise that children and
families are worth our effort. Effort translates into time and, aside from
necessary time-consuming tasks, time well spent translates into the sharing and
passing on of Christian values. Each of these books is either a pep talk for
parents or a handbook for intergenerational faith- and value-sharing, or
both.
Kathleen Chesto has a broad background in family ministry and
religious education, all grounded in her personal experience as a mother.
Raising Kids Who Care is a series of essays exploring the "spiritual and
moral development of children and the particular problems they face growing
up."
The essays are directed at "those who feel we are capable of
making a difference in creating a more loving, less violent society for the
next generation."
All children seem to be born with some degree of empathy, she
contends. "How that empathy develops into moral reasoning and what we as
parents and teachers can do to enhance that development" is the focus of the
first part of her book. "Empathy," she asserts, "is the most basic [route] to
morality," and from empathy she moves into shame and guilt, sharing, rules and
decision-making.
Shame and guilt are not necessarily destructive feelings. They
are, as they should be, "uncomfortable feelings" and as such can prod us to a
higher standard of behavior. "Sharing" is her litmus test of morality. "Real
sharing represents the ability to consider not just the rights but the feelings
and needs of others. ... Real sharing is the child's introduction to the
gospel's fundamental option for the poor."
Under "rules" she writes that a child's respect for authority is
the single most important moral legacy we pass on to our children and, moving
on, that "decision-making is one of the most important life skills to be
acquired in early childhood."
With this grounding in basic values, Chesto advances in Part Two
to address some of the common dilemmas young people face today, examining such
issues as cheating, lying, jealousy, bullying and sexual issues, and ends with
the need for real heroes and the necessity of prayer in the lives of
children.
Each segment concludes with follow-up questions, discussion ideas
and possible activities for parents and teachers. That these essays first
appeared as columns under the heading "Helping Today's Children" spotlights
both their strengths and their weaknesses: They are short, pithy pieces usually
with one strong point to make as one would hope to find in a well-written
column, but lacking sustained analysis. From this book, parents might surely
pick up many good ideas but they won't find many solid answers.
When I came to this next book, Growing in Wisdom, Age and
Grace, by Cardinal Joseph Bernardin, I hoped it would be really, really
good, or else I'd have to be really, really agile with my words. Stand by while
I tiptoe my way through this one.
When he learned he had terminal cancer, Bernardin hastened to
complete the projects dearest to his heart, one of which was this book. In a
beautiful opening letter to parents, he acknowledges that parenting can be a
lonely and overwhelming task and that this guide was intended to affirm and
support parents in their efforts to share their faith. He envisions the book as
a kind of gift to parents as they live out their "great and beautiful vocation
to nurture a new generation of loving, informed and committed followers of
Jesus."
In its six sections, the book first describes family life today,
then looks at five developmental plateaus and shows how each can be shaped into
a spiritual platform as well. It is a visually attractive book, full of color
photographs. Each section closes with salient quotations from a variety of
church documents.
As a bequest to parents, it is more than enough to let them know
they have his prayers and support, but not enough to be really helpful. It is
long on common sense and the broad brush strokes that make up Christian
parenting, but short on the deft, defining and enlightened insights that a
person of Bernardin's passion and stature might bring to it. He offered this,
as noted, as a gift to parents. To tweak the metaphor, the book seems more like
a keepsake greeting card than a mighty, meaningful heirloom.
Now if you want specific, practical guidelines and down-to-earth,
usable suggestions, have I got news for you! Laurie Bowen looked around for
just such a book, found none and so wrote her own, gathering "theories, ideas
and resources into an easy-to-use and idea-sparking manual."
Whereas the project was conceived initially for home-schooling
families, any family with children in public or parochial school who wants to
practice faith-sharing at home will find in Food for Your Family's
Spirit a wealth of ideas and resources they could adopt or adapt.
In the first part Bowen describes several models of family
spirituality by incorporating the teaching of four renowned developmental
specialists: Piaget, cognitive; Erikson, psychosocial; Kohlberg, moral; and
Fowler, spiritual. She also discusses the ways people learn: common-sense,
analytical, imaginative and dynamic.
She correctly concludes that whereas each of us has "one preferred
method of learning, material that is experienced all four ways is learned
best." She uses the Emmaus story as a unifying motif and observes that "in that
moment the events of the last supper, [Jesus'] death and resurrection, the
current minute in Emmaus and all future worship came together."
That remarkable insight leads her into ritual, and the importance
thereof even in normal family life, to say nothing of the spiritual. Bowen
quotes Gertrud Mueller Nelson, who said that "in our rituals we participate
with God in fashioning the world."
The second part of Bowen's book is replete with ideas from
literally hundreds of families on how they celebrate holidays, holy days, the
seasons, life stages and special events. She attaches to each example a symbol
noting which age level the activity is most appropriate for. The gesture is
well-intended, but the symbols used were more confusing than helpful. I hope
for the final draft of the book that more meaningful, recognizable icons might
be substituted. But let this pettiness not distract from my enthusiasm for the
scope and offerings of this section.
Part three consists of pages upon pages of publishers' names,
books, periodicals and other media that offer resources to families seeking
home-based spiritual growth. Obviously, this book, while intended for the home,
needs not be limited to it. Religious education programs and classrooms could
also find a wealth of enriching activities for multi-age groups.
I received this book in manuscript form; actual publication is
intended for September 1997. You might consider it for a 1997 Christmas gift,
or an appropriate remembrance to celebrate a birth or baptism. Godparents, take
note.
Another book equally concrete and practical though more narrowly
focused is Jesuit Fr. Michael Smith's Between Fathers and Sons. "The
Fathers and Sons Program," writes Smith, "is designed ... to help and encourage
fathers to foster the ongoing development of their sons into psychologically
and spiritually mature men."
This is an 18-hour program that might be adapted in a variety of
ways, the preferred schedule having fathers and sons meeting weekly for six
three-hour sessions, but it might also unfold in a three-week program or even
on one long weekend.
In any case, the agenda is outlined in exact detail from the
suggested arrangement of the meeting space to the number and qualifications of
facilitators, from specific weekly activities to the closure that invites
follow-up. The topics covered are the father-son bond, becoming a man, dealing
with anger, friendship with girls and women, the quest for identity, and
blessing rituals for fathers and sons.
Smith asserts that these sessions are not intended as therapy for
damaged relations but as a pro-active attempt to help fathers help their sons
grow into spiritually mature men whose lives are grounded in a personal
relationship with Jesus Christ. Immature men ("eternal boys," as he calls
them), who have not been appropriately guided into manhood, threaten the fabric
of society. As in all such programs, openness, honesty and willingness to share
are crucial for its success. Going along with that, he shows how a father's
spirituality is equally crucial to his son's belief in God.
Naturally the book would be most efficacious if used in the manner
intended. But even apart from these structured sessions, a father, by virtue of
this text, could be empowered to relate to his son on a totally new level, and
small-group facilitators could use it as a manual for smooth-running meetings
and ongoing parish programs. It has many applications.
Finally, I definitely needed help with this next book, Can You
find Jesus? -- a "Where's Waldo?" kind of book with 13 gospel stories
depicted in a visual format. So I turned to two experts, my nephews Nicholas,
age 11, and David, age 8, both fans of the "Waldo" and I Spy books. I
gave it to them with no commentary other than to ask them to read it and then
tell me what they thought about it. In less than a week, unprompted, Nicholas
said to me: "You know that book you gave us to read? It's cool."
I visited with each youthful reader separately and got essentially
the same response. Both liked the idea of the short narrative accompanying each
illustration. In this way, it was better than "Where's Waldo?" they said.
"Having a story makes you feel like you are in the picture," observed Nicholas.
Both said they learned something new about Jesus and both said they enjoyed
finding Jesus in the drawings as well as the various artifacts they were
instructed to spot.
The reading level seemed appropriate to both boys, albeit they are
both strong and avid readers. Whereas Nicholas said he couldn't put it down,
David enjoyed going through it a few pages at a time.
Unbidden, their mother also read the book and from a parent's
perspective volunteered that she thought the "hidden" objects were too obvious
and too easy to spot, but she found the information and discussion questions in
the parents' section especially meaningful.
Both boys agreed they would like to own this book and would
consider buying it for themselves if given a gift certificate to a book store
(a favorite kind of gift, I might add). In fact, when I asked David to get the
book for me for the purpose of writing this review, he quickly extracted my
promise to return it as soon as I was finished. (I did.)
What I like most about this book -- although the illustrations are
not as intricate or as clever as in "Waldo," or as gorgeous as in I Spy
-- is the underlying message of the book: We are likely to find Jesus in a
variety of settings if we only take the time to look for him.
Judith Bromberg is a veteran Catholic high school teacher.
Nicholas and David Bromberg are in the fifth and second grades respectively at
St. Charles Borromeo School in Kansas City, Mo.
National Catholic Reporter, March 28,
1997
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