Special
section: Family Life
Couples help couples; movement grows again
By ROBERT McCLORY
Special Report Writer Arlington Heights, Ill.
For most of their early married years, religion and church
remained remote realities for Bill and Teri Brandt. We had each other and
we had our freedom, said Bill, 34, an insurance broker.
We traveled a lot, we didnt really get involved in
anything much outside of work, said Teri, 30, a flight attendant. Both
had been raised Catholic in the Midwest but drifted away from the church in
their college years. They had no special problems with the faith and considered
themselves Catholic, but church was not on their schedule.
Then in 1995, after they had moved to Arlington Heights, Ill., a
large, bedroom suburb northwest of Chicago, Teri got pregnant for the first
time and discovered she was about to become the mother of triplets.
Word spread around the neighborhood and reached Our Lady of the
Wayside Parish, where the couple was hardly known. No matter. Suddenly the
Brandts were embraced like long-lost relatives by a contingent of parishioners
who just wanted to offer support. They were all members of something called the
Christian Family Movement, better known as CFM.
We had heard of it, said Bill, but we thought it
was some kind of prayer and Bible thing for older people. But these people were
all our age!
For four months before the delivery, Teri needed almost full-time
bed rest. Along with the parish nurse, the CFMers dropped in regularly to bring
lunch, keep Teri company or chat about how great kids are. It wasnt until
the triplets, John, Jennifer and Joseph, were born in September 1995, however,
that the CFMers really made a difference.
With changing diapers and feeding times, life around here
was a whirlwind, said Teri. I dont think we could have
survived without their help.
These relative strangers got involved in all the aspects of baby
care, including the messiest. One woman arrived several times a week and took
over completely, insisting that Teri take a nap, have a long, hot bath or go
for a walk. For four months after the births, a hot meal was delivered to the
home every other evening by alternating CFM members from Our Lady of the
Wayside.
Can you believe it? said Teri -- salad, entree,
desert, sometimes a bottle of wine, a couple of times a seven-course
dinner!
Today the Brandts are active members of the parish, attending the
9:45 family Mass with their children on Sundays. Teri is a eucharistic
minister, and both are CFM members involved in the many activities connected
with the super-active organization.
The welcoming CFM embrace changed our lives, said
Bill. It changed our minds about what Christianity and church are all
about.
Most Catholics over 55 remember the Christian Family Movement as a
popular Catholic Action organization for couples back in the 1950s and
60s that just disappeared.
Well, not quite. At one time CFM claimed more than 150,000 couples
worldwide and was a major force in the pre-Vatican II church. For a variety of
reasons, it began to shrink after the council (see sidebar), but in some
places, as the Brandts discovered, it has not only survived, its in
robust good health.
At Our Lady of the Wayside, one of the largest parishes in the
Chicago archdiocese, 110 families are members of CFM. At St. James, a
neighboring parish, also in Arlington Heights, some 75 families are involved.
According to the CFM national office, about 2,000 families are currently
members in the United States -- which means that close to 10 percent of the
national total is in these two parishes in one Midwest suburb.
At Our Lady, the CFM operation has evolved into a self-sustaining,
tightly organized, entirely lay-run organization, with 10 groups of couples who
meet once a month in members homes and follow a set format of
see-judge-act inquiries produced and published by the national
steering committee. All groups meet at the same time on a predetermined Friday
night. The leaders convene beforehand for preparation by the chaplain couple,
Les and Kathleen Miller.
We limit our contribution to the scripture reflection,
said Kathleen Miller. We dont try to direct groups in their
conversations or the actions they decide. Thats up to them.
In addition, the CFM couples plan six or seven joint activities
each year like an evening of reflection, a picnic or a night of bowling.
Much valued is the involvement of some older couples and empty
nesters.
You can learn so much about family spirituality and sensible
discipline, said Kathleen Miller. You discover things like the fact
that good music can give more pleasure than a wide-screen TV.
I think CFM proves it takes a village to raise a
child, said Judy Pozdol, a Protestant who, with her husband, Andy, has
been a CFM member for 16 years. It keeps me grounded, gives me a faith
perspective on the ordinary things I do every day.
Each year the makeup of the groups is randomly juggled so
individual groups, no matter how compatible, do not become permanent. Rose
Marie Duffy, who, with her husband, Robert, has been in CFM groups since 1956,
said she believes this innovation in the Our Lady format is one thing that
keeps it vital.
We were in a group in Milwaukee that was ruined by staying
together too long, she said.
All the groups at Our Lady adhere to the traditional format of
evaluating situations, making judgments about them in the light of the gospel
and then coming up with a specific task or action. But members are careful not
to let varying conservative or liberal perspectives dictate activities or
disrupt proceedings.
We get into a little bit of everything, said Jim
McIlwee, who, with his wife, Mary, will be chaircouple of CFM in the coming
year -- AIDS, homosexuality, abortion, women priests, whatever.
Were not trying to reinvent Vatican II.
Once in awhile, McIlwee added, when he hears a fellow CFMer
articulating some pet view he himself agrees with, he is forced to take a
second look and reconsider. You know, its like you look in a mirror
and dont like what you see, he said. Thats what makes
this so stimulating.
Emphasis on family has pushed CFM into numberless joint projects
and individual group ministries. For several years the groups in cooperation
have provided food, clothing and household supplies for poor families who
temporarily occupy a federally funded transitional apartment in Arlington
Heights. They also gather and deliver food every month to a pantry in a black
parish on Chicagos west side, and they collect toys and food during the
holiday season for the poor in their own region.
A major ongoing activity is supporting each other and anyone else
they encounter (like the Brandts) during experiences of birth, death or other
moments of significance, said Sue Szymczak. She and her husband, Jim, were last
years chaircouple. You could kind of call us one big extended
family, she explained.
The impact of this outreach on CFM children is an important -- and
fully intended -- benefit, said Kathleen Miller. Its a way to to resist
the materialism and consumerism of society, she said.
Like most couples, weve always given to charity,
she said. We wrote out checks. But that means nothing to little
children. Her own two, ages 4 and 8, had no idea we ever gave
anything away, until they began taking their part in buying food for an
inner-city parish or carrying blankets and towels to the single-parent family
in the transitional apartment. Theyre getting the idea early on
that charity is more than writing checks, she said.
No one at Our Lady of the Wayside could fully explain why the
pre-Vatican II apostolate flourishes here. CFM didnt even exist in the
parish during CFMs national heyday, said Fr. Vincent Costello, pastor. It
was introduced in the mid-1970s under then-pastor John Mackin, just as U.S.
membership was declining. Spurred by a coterie of enthusiasts, perhaps still
too young to get disillusioned, it caught on and has prospered since.
We were new in the area and got involved for social
reasons, said Joe Zimmerman, who has been a member with his wife, Sarah,
for 11 years.
The people who sold us our house recommended CFM, said
Jim McIlwee. I thought it was some kind of right-wing, militant outfit or
a bunch of people who spoke in tongues. Hes since found out
its a way to immerse ourselves in the church and
community.
I think its the beer [during the post-meeting
socialization] that first gets the guys, said Andy Pozdol. Then
they find theres a lot more here than a good time and
conversation.
Though some in the parish may view CFM as an elite group, Andy
Pozdol said, it is so deeply rooted now that the vast majority accept it,
especially since the members are among the volunteer leaders in most other
parish projects.
Mary Lou Gorman, who serves with her husband, Philip, as president
couple of the Chicago CFM region, said the Arlington Heights experience
demonstrates the validity of the movement even in this postmodern world.
I dont know of any ministry in the church that can take care of
young marrieds today like CFM can, she said.
National Catholic Reporter, September 4,
1998
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