Column Its funny how different the future looked at 13
By TARA DIX
Contrary to anything I might have
expected even a couple of months ago, I now find myself in Europe participating
in a couple of short-term volunteer projects in France and Northern Ireland.
Just goes to show that lifes a lot more complex in my 20s than it seemed
when I was 13.
After I graduated from college in May, I got a letter. The address
was printed in an oddly familiar handwriting, but I couldnt place it. I
opened the envelope to reveal the long-forgotten letter I had written -- under
the instruction of my eighth grade home economics teacher -- to myself more
than eight years ago.
Its a neat project. Ive done it other times on
retreats and at summer camps, but all of those letters to myself
were sent back to me only a couple of months later. This one I truly had
forgotten about. I am amazed that my teacher remembers to send them each year,
and I wonder if she looks at the name on each letter and tries to recall the
awkward 13 year-old who went with it.
Tara Dix, 8th Grade, Thompson Junior High, is printed
boldly across the top of the first page. The text goes on to describe me, the
eighth-grader. I talk about who my friends are. I strain now to connect many of
the names with faces. Then, I continue on about how utterly obnoxious the goofy
redheaded boy sitting across from me is. He is now one of my good friends.
I talk about the clothes I am wearing, what is in and
what is out, but most important, I outline my goals for the future,
at five years, 10 years, 20 years down the line.
Most of the five-year goals are pretty on track -- I would say I
score about an 80 percent. I wanted to be a freshman at a good college
like Notre Dame. Check. I wanted to have lots of friends. Check. I wanted
to get straight As. Half-check -- Bs is more like it. I wanted to
play my saxophone in the marching band. Whoops!
After college, my goals were to get married and go to law school.
Heres where the whole scheme starts to fall apart (or maybe I just better
get cracking!)
Around the beginning of my senior year of college, I realized that
if I had to go to school one more day past graduation, it would surely be the
death of me. Someday, Im sure Ill end up back in the classroom, but
for now, lets put it back on the 10-year list.
As for the wedding bells -- well, Ill keep you posted.
At any rate, I wrote that I would become a public defender while
raising six or seven children. While the part about the public
defender seems plausible, Im not even going to touch that last one.
What I didnt write in my letter to myself -- what my
13-year-old certainties didnt anticipate -- is that I would take a
yearlong volunteer position after college that would end bitterly three months
later. I didnt write that this situation, which I entered spilling over
with excitement and enthusiasm, would leave me feeling unappreciated and
rejected.
I forgot to mention how I would go back to live with my parents
for four months to figure out what in Gods name I would do with the rest
of my life.
I forgot to write of the bittersweet freedom that experience would
afford me -- the knowledge that I could go in any one of the hundred directions
before me and a secret wish that my plans were already laid out.
Wouldnt I have been surprised to know, as a 13-year-old,
that today I would be a little less goal-driven, a little less sure of what
tomorrow will bring? Yet because of that open-endedness, I could decide to take
this time to fulfill a couple of other dreams. Im now embarking on a
European adventure.
First stop: the Bardou Restoration Project in Southern France.
Its a medieval village in the Chevennes Mountains. There, I will help to
rebuild the 15 stone cottages that make up this tiny place and try to
experience a little of the history that was born there. I wont have
electricity in my cottage, nor hot running water. I will get my warmth from the
fire in the hearth, and my light from it as well.
Then, it is off to Northern Ireland and a volunteer position at
the Corrymeela Community, a widely known center for peace and conflict
resolution. Corrymeela means hill of harmony. I have wanted to be a
part of this place ever since I visited Northern Ireland two years ago.
Its one of the only places in that country where people from all sides of
the conflict come together to try to find common ground. There are weekend and
weeklong retreats for adults and families, summer programs for children and
educational workshops -- and there is harmony.
When I get back, well, maybe its law school after all. Then
again, maybe I need to write a couple more letters to myself.
Tara Dix is on the road. She may be reached at
taradix@hotmail.com
National Catholic Reporter, April 2,
1999
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