Viewpoint Hope followed by familiar
abandonment
By ANN M. AMIDEO
The recent banning of Sr. Jeannine
Gramick and Fr. Robert Nugent from ministry to gay and lesbian Catholics has
caused me to revisit my own fleeting hopes and crushed dreams.
The morning in the spring of 1995 I discovered a letter in my
mailbox from Bishop John McGann of the Rockville Centre, N.Y., diocese, I began
to believe again. It was an unusually prompt response to my two-page epistle
urging the diocese to inaugurate a reconciliation program for Catholic parents
and their gay/lesbian children.
Thank you for sharing your powerful letter and
struggle, he wrote. I have asked Msgr. John ..., director of
Catholic Charities, along with several of his staff to work closely with
gay/lesbian Catholics in order to provide support. I held the letter like
a sacred object. Unable to contain my excitement, I phoned Mom and Dad.
Ill believe it when I see the signature of the bishop, Dad
shrugged with his usual skepticism.
Plans for the new ministry swiftly went into motion. A steering
committee was formed of which I and other gay/lesbian Catholics were members.
Joining us were priests, parents and religious who all embraced a contagious
spirit of solidarity in this auspicious mission. Small support communities were
established within four Long Island parishes. Creative ritual and heartening
welcomes marked our liturgical celebrations, which were scheduled
quarterly.
Id be honored to celebrate Mass at my parish and
publicize the event in Sundays bulletin, said Fr. Frank. Wow!
Publicize it! I said in surprise. A lifetime of outsider status was
vanishing before my eyes.
For our first committee meeting we arrived for a tour of the
Catholic Charities building, which began in a long corridor. The walls were
sculptured with crystal-like transparent acrylic and featured scenes from the
story of the Good Samaritan. Msgr. John said the Samaritan characterizes the
ethos of Catholic Charities by becoming the good neighbor who does not
pass by.
I remember how Msgr. John affirmed the guiding principle of this
ministry. This ministry will be directed by the people in the trenches,
not the church administrators, he declared with conviction. Members of
the committee looked at each other, smiled and prayed we heard correctly.
Parents, siblings, sons and daughters of all ages began to fill
the support groups and liturgies. For Mom and Dad, the tension of torn
loyalties between a faith tradition they cherished and the lesbian daughter
they loved was alleviated. Gay/lesbian Catholics dared to peek at the faith
community to which they have long desired to belong.
More than 100 people streamed into St. Marys Parish for our
third liturgy, despite icy roads. I was convinced it wouldnt be long
before Bishop McGann would celebrate Mass with us. His letter clearly stated
this intention.
I approached the microphone to begin the welcome and spotted
unfamiliar and pensive faces in the crowd. A man dressed in a dark suit
alongside a woman draped in a black veil. Still, no one saw it coming. In the
midst of a dialogue homily, they erupted with shouts, raised fists and
demands.
This Mass is irreverent and blasphemous, and that woman
[pointing at me] is a blasphemer, a man shouted with veins bulging from
his neck. I was seated next to my partner. They must confess before
coming to Eucharist, he continued. The entire congregation sat stupefied
and motionless. We looked toward the priest for help and direction.
Fr. Frank finally restored calm and returned us to the liturgy. I
noticed a tall, distinguished man sitting in the back taking notes. Members of
the congregation anxiously glanced at one another, hoping to avert another
disastrous confrontation. During the sign of peace I extended my hand to the
man who had called me a blasphemer. He pulled his hand back and shouted,
Get away! The social hour to follow was hardly social and very
brief.
Shortly thereafter a story fabricated with lies and distortions
appeared in the infamous conservative Catholic newspaper The Wanderer.
An urgent meeting was called by Msgr. John who briefed us about the barrage of
phone calls threatening to discredit Catholic Charities and out
gay/lesbian people in local newspapers. I asked, What is our priority
now?
My heart sank when Msgr. John responded, We must protect the
bishop.
Perplexed, I questioned, Who will protect the vulnerable
flock?
Since the Wanderer story broke three years ago, our
original steering committee has been disbanded and replaced with one composed
of internal church officials. Liturgical celebrations have become obsequious
and infrequent. Publicity is now a dirty word. This results in poor attendance
and disheartened families. Msgr. John has transferred to another post and is no
longer guiding the ministry. Bishop McGann, now approaching retirement, never
celebrated Mass with our community as he had hoped. There is a familiar sense
of abandonment.
I revisited the compelling acrylic images of the Good Samaritan on
the walls of Catholic Charities. This picture was the original inspiration for
our ministry. Ironically, I now empathize with the portrait of the wounded
traveler as he was dismissed by religious men and left to bleed. We are still
waiting for a Good Samaritan to arrive and pick up the broken pieces.
Ann Amideo writes from East Northport, N.Y.
National Catholic Reporter, August 13,
1999
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