Viewpoint No room for our gift, no room for our faith?
By DONNA SWARTWOUT
I am standing at the gift exchange
counter. I feel like a gift I have been given has to be returned. I like this
gift and I would like to keep it, but it appears that it is not mine to
keep.
I was baptized Catholic. I was raised Catholic. I attended
Catholic schools from 1966-1983. I received my masters degree from a
Catholic institution and then worked at a Jesuit institution for four years. I
know several priests who have been friends -- someone to have a beer with,
discuss the Orioles recent loss or the events of the day.
I had my crisis of faith when I was in college. I had a hard time
figuring out how to reconcile my feminist views with the patriarchy of the
Catholic church. It was the gift of faith my parents gave me that didnt
quit on me. In my senior year, I returned to the church after a two-year
boycott.
At no time during my crisis or other tough times in my life did I
think the church would close the door on me. I thought and believed that, like
the good shepherd, it would wait until I returned or even perhaps seek me
out.
My gift of faith has survived four Buffalo Bills Super Bowl
losses, and other major and minor losses. My faith has survived a lot and has
never failed me. During long and painful years of struggling with who and what
I was, I never once questioned Gods love for me. I worried about how my
family and friends would think or feel about me as a lesbian. I would cry at
weddings, thinking my parents would not walk their oldest daughter down the
aisle of a church. But I kept going to church and in my prayers I never heard
God say, Dont be who you are. I spent a few years in the
closet, a few years half in and half out, and I spent them with a just and
merciful God, and a strong belief that I was created in Gods
likeness.
I fell in love and stepped out of the closet for good. I was
strengthened and supported by my gift of faith, and my belief that the Catholic
church was about social justice. In response to the popular Christian question
What would Jesus do? I laughingly told my friends that if Jesus were alive
today he would be having dinner with me and not with the pope.
You might be wondering why I am telling you all this. I want you
to understand who I am. I want you to know a little about the person that you
call intrinsically evil. I know the distinction; it is the act that is
disordered, not the orientation. But, your holiness, with all due respect, a
refresher course in Logic 101 is needed. The time for hair-splitting needs to
stop.
Here is the logic or the lack of logic as I see it: I am in a
loving and committed relationship. We celebrated 10 years this past October. I
have no legal rights in this relationship and can be discriminated against when
anyone feels like it. Having read Lukes gospel many times, I know the
Catholic church is about social justice. However, the church is silent about
these issues because to address them means acknowledging my relationship. It
would mean acknowledging that a persons sexuality involves being and
doing. As I understand it, the Catholic church doesnt know what makes
someone homosexual or heterosexual any more than I do. We also agree that sex
and ones sexuality should be expressed between two adults in a loving and
committed relationship.
Sex before marriage is a big no-no. Any Catholic girl got that
message loud and clear. Gays and lesbians cannot get married in the Catholic
church. You can see where the circle is headed. Not only are my acts of
sexuality disordered and evil, I am committing another sin because they occur
outside the sacrament of marriage.
Many Catholic gays and lesbians I know wonder, If offered the
opportunity to get married in a religious ceremony, would I do it? Most feel
the civil right to marry and be recognized by the state and the federal
government is the key issue. We do pay taxes and yet are denied this
fundamental human right as American citizens. I want both. Anybody gay or
straight knows that a relationship worth having takes work. I would jump at the
chance for some extra grace and a blessing from God. Every bit helps!
Recently you ordered that a priest and a nun working with gay and
lesbian people cease their ministry. I understand the distinction that it was
their teaching and not their working with gay people that got them into
trouble. You might ask yourself whether, if you call the act of loving someone
intrinsically evil, those persons you accuse of evil can be expected to seek
you out for further ministry. You are closing the door.
I have a sister who sends her children to a Catholic school. My
nieces wear uniforms like I used to wear in grade school. My nieces and nephews
attended our commitment ceremony. They are too young to understand, but they do
know that Donna and Linda come together like Tom and Melissa. They love us very
much. How does my sister explain just discrimination to my
godchild? How will my sister tell her children that my loving Linda is a
sin?
My mother believes asking questions strengthens ones faith.
My dad says you just have to believe. I love them for giving me this gift.
I think it is time for the Catholic church to decide. I dont
think you can have just two catagories: all heterosexuals and all
homo-celibate-sexuals. Is there no room for the rest? Hold us to the same
standards of sin: no sex before marriage. Minister to us the same way you would
minister to my parents or sister and brother-in-law when they might experience
trouble in their relationships. Talk about sexuality with a young gay or
lesbian teenager the same way my mother did with me. It is a gift from God,
dont abuse it or misuse it. Dont preach about social justice and
then tell my nieces and nephews that its OK to discriminate against me
when it comes to adoption or teaching or marriage or love.
Either accept me as a full member of the Catholic church, a woman
created in Gods likeness, a lesbian in a loving, committed relationship,
or ask me to leave. The choice is yours.
I am standing at the gift exchange counter. The line is getting
shorter. I wonder what you will do? As long as I still have my gift, I can only
hope and pray.
Donna Swartwout writes from Nashua, N.H.
National Catholic Reporter, January 26,
2001
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