Column No price tag, just no time
By JEANNETTE BATZ
The black-and-white rocking cow sat
placid in the back seat, wedged immobile by a shiny red kettle and a stack of
plaid wool blankets. I finished packing the trunk and drove to the tiny rented
house, crawling with so many roaches a kind exterminator had made three free
trips already. The refugee family, a husband and wife and six children, had
come from Afghanistan with nothing but a few clothes and photograph albums.
The father, a journalist whod joined the Communist Party to
oppose Islamic fundamentalism, had been held captive, acid splashed on his
stomach, arms, legs, face and neck. Tightening scar tissue had replaced his
left ear, tugging his head toward his shoulder, and three years of fear and
rage had wrung his spirit dry. Finally hed bought the chance for a
harrowing escape, and now he was here, a dazed resident of south St. Louis.
At the first stoplight, I bent to make sure the wrapped Barbie
doll was still lodged safely under the passenger seat. I want a
Barbie, the 8-year-old had come up to whisper at Christmastime, watching
her 14-year-old sister unwrap sweaters and earrings and the 3-year-old hug
together a stuffed bear, a ragdoll and an oversize duck. Stricken by the uneven
distribution of our offerings -- nearly everything for the 8-year-old was
practical -- Id vowed to abandon all feminist principles and enter the
pink aisle.
Now, scraping over frozen mounds of ice, I slid to a sudden,
angled stop in front of the house. Good enough. Their screen door banged open,
and the 14-year-old ran down to greet us. I miss you, she
announced, looking at me closely. Why do you come only when you have
things to bring? Why do you not ever come just to talk?
It felt like the dentists little mallet making the nerve
sing. This was the third refugee family Id gotten to know, and
theyd all been gently puzzled -- and hurt -- by my busyness; the way I
swooped in with a carload of stuff, handed it over, gulped a quick obligatory
cup of wonderfully strong sweet chai or Bosnian coffee, and began my
excuses for departure.
I mumbled an apology and a promise and headed back to the car for
another load, making a new set of excuses to myself. There just wasnt
time. Besides, if I sat there fretting and feeling trapped Id grow to
resent their hospitality and dread my visits. And they couldnt afford the
burden of always feeding guests the best food in their larder.
They couldnt afford it -- yet the abundance of their
pantries had begun to seem almost biblical. Always they found nuts and raisins,
or grapes and warm flatbread, or chilled cans of Orange Crush theyd
gotten by the caseload with their food stamps. Not once did I catch that tense
look I would have recognized in a flash, the Oh no, company, whatever
will we give them, how long will they stay? look. Instead these families
pressed their best upon you without hesitation, then waited for everyone to
relax and spend hours chatting, sipping, being.
It just wasnt the American way. Besides, I was terrified
what Id learn if I did stay. The few times I had, Id realized they
needed not mere stuff, but somebody who could work miracles with the
Immigration and Naturalization Service and correct IDs that had the two eldest
kids flopped, and therefore in the wrong grades, with the eldest unable to work
legally because his ID said he was his 14-year-old sister. They needed somebody
who could wave a wand and move them up a Section Eight housing list that
projected a wait of at least five years. They needed somebody who could
convince the government that acid burns and torture and psychosis and a missing
ear and twisted muscles and complete upheaval make it hard to land in America
and learn the English words for You want fries with that?
Unable to work a single one of these miracles, I walked back
inside. On the sofa, calmly sipping tea, sat a woman from an evangelical church
that had been busy Christianizing the family. This woman did spend time, and so
did her fellow parishioners. They picked the kids up for after-school
activities, they helped tutor them, they brought Bibles in Farsi, they drove
the family to church for all-Sunday marathons, bringing them to see what the
eldest boy called a Jesus movie.
But their time had a price tag.
I dont want to be baptized and give up my name for a
Christian name, the 14-year-old girl had wailed, risking one of the
increasingly frequent family fights that branded her a bad girl
because her father had decided this church was their best hope for
salvation.
He wasnt altogether wrong. By now, the secular resettlement
agency that had sponsored the family was pulling back on its services. Besides,
the caseworkers and translators for Afghan refugees were all Muslim. Still
trembling with rage over his own torture, the father hadnt found it easy
to trust their help. And the only non-Muslim translator hed found was a
convert to evangelical Christianity who eagerly urged him to follow suit.
The church pastor was an earnest and kind man who spoke of the
wrath of God, the forces of darkness and the saving of souls, insisting all the
while that they wouldnt dream of being coercive. This, I realized, was
all the family knew of Christianity. Where were all the nice reasonable,
middling-liberal churches that wouldnt insist on ideological lockstep?
Well, there was St. Pius on Grand Avenue. But the bulk of the
moderate Christian churches just werent involving themselves
with St. Louis unprecedented influx of refugees.
Maybe fundamentalist certainty and fiery evangelism are the only
motivators strong enough to snap us out of our own self-centered routines.
Maybe people only give hours of their time if they think theyre saving
somebodys soul.
I lugged in the plush cow and watched the 3-year-olds face
light up. Then I tried to tactfully explain the many ways of interpreting
Christianity.
Half a cup of chai later, I was gone.
Jeannette Batz is a staff writer for The Riverfront
Times, an alternative newspaper in St. Louis. Her e-mail address is
jeannette.batz@rftstl.com
National Catholic Reporter, March 23,
2001
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