Cover
story Getting out of abusive relationships
Quietly, often with little fanfare
and even less thanks, Catholic nuns have for years been battling domestic
violence throughout the country and around the world. From gritty urban centers
to the nations hushed and tidy suburbs to rural farming communities, they
work tirelessly to help women and children get out and stay out of abusive
relationships.
Leaving is a process, said Sr. Maria Klosowski, who
recruits and trains volunteers for the Riverhouse Shelter in a remote
four-county region of northern Michigan. Its not a one-shot event,
so many [who do this work] experience a sense of frustration when you see the
person return. But I remind them to keep in mind its a process, and
youve helped them with a part of a process you hope they will continue.
Then you can keep a perspective.
Women like Klosowski, who is a Sister of Mercy, are experts at
ferreting out hope. I was over at the library the diocese here has one
day last week, she commented, and I happened to notice they had
several videos on domestic violence. I was pleasantly surprised to see
that.
The Sisters of Mercy are front and center on the
domestic violence issue, said Sr. Fran Stein, director of the social justice
ministry at the Catholic diocese in Springfield-Cape Girardeau, Mo.
Rebecca Mathis, who is not Catholic but worked for nine years with
a coalition of various churches in the Houston area, acknowledges that domestic
violence work can be heart-rending and frustrating. The vast majority of
women who finally make the leap cant get their kids out. Very few are
successful in extricating the children because in court he looks wonderful.
Hes got his pastor, his employer, who also happens to be a deacon of the
church, his parents who were founders of the church. So he looks great, and she
looks like a flake. So shes punished or she goes back. Its so sad.
It happens over and over.
Sr. Marilyn Lacey, said, Faith can give people tremendous
strength and endurance and hope about moving out. Or religion can be used to
keep women in abusive situations in places where the church is not enlightened.
It depends on the level of integrity with which the gospel is
interpreted. Lacey, a Sister of Mercy, is the director of immigration
legal services with Catholic Charities in San Jose, Calif.
She said a lesser-known provision of the Violence Against Women
Act reauthorized by Congress last year -- an important law that provides
federal funding for programs to combat violence against women -- allows an
abused immigrant spouse to petition for citizenship or residency without
affiliation with her abuser. Many women stay in abusive situations because the
abuser is a U.S. citizen or resident who holds legal status over their heads,
Lacey noted. The women knew if they left they couldnt work legally or
support their children. That section of the law has changed and now
allows any bona fide abused immigrant spouse to petition on her own for herself
and her children, said Lacey. Its a huge benefit.
Its also a huge challenge for Laceys organization to
spread the word in Santa Clara County where 40 percent of the population is
foreign born (60 percent if U.S.-born children of immigrants are
counted).
Domestic violence poses a particularly thorny situation within
immigrant communities, said Mathis, who now works for the McAuley Institute in
Houston. Battered women in the immigrant community are much more
reluctant to speak to anybody about this situation because of their sense of
vulnerability, isolation -- cultural issues. Also, we found that when they went
to the priest or sister or whomever, they really expected that the church would
be able to solve this problem. They were much more naive about all the
ramifications about what it would take to be able to leave, and they were much
more reluctant to leave.
Anna Ganahl, director of communications for the Sisters of Social
Service in Los Angeles who run domestic violence shelters on both sides of the
U.S.-Mexico border, said, Latino culture and the angle on abuse, the
reluctance to acknowledge abuse on the part of the abuser or the abused, has
been an issue for the church for some time.
In Santa Clara County, David Lee, formerly community education
director for the Support Network for Battered Women, is hesitant to paint
immigrants with a broad brush. He acknowledges that there has been a
disproportionate number of domestic violence deaths among the Asian communities
in his area, and he points to one study that showed a decrease in domestic
violence among Mexican immigrants the longer they stayed in this country. But
Lee notes, People point to immigrants and say those people are violent.
But mainstream America is a highly violent society, from our media, to foreign
policy, to relationships.
Acculturation -- losing traditional ties -- can be a very
dangerous thing, Lee added. Immigrants face a new culture with unfamiliar
rules, and many come with an inherent distrust of authorities.
Traditionally our focus has been on what an individual can do to promote
her own safety, Lee said. The challenge in immigrant communities is to
change the message and make it culturally appropriate.
-- Kathryn Casa
National Catholic Reporter, June 29,
2001
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