Books Linking the spiritual and sexual
TENDER FIRES: THE
SPIRITUAL PROMISE OF SEXUALITY by Fran Ferder and John
Heagle Crossroad, 224 pages, $16.95 |
REVIEWED By JOAN H.
TIMMERMAN
It is with real gratitude that I find a book affirming
consistently and with cumulative effect the spiritual potential of human
sexuality. It is good to have these authors viewpoints on the record.
John Heagle, a Catholic priest, and Fran Ferder, a Franciscan sister, write as
therapists rather than from their experience as religious professionals.
What struck this reader was their obvious and passionate love for
these ideas. They want to make accessible a spiritual vision that guides
our approach to relationships. When they capture something like this
connection between sexuality and fire, it can be exhilarating, a reminder of
the best workshops one has ever taken (or given): When human persons love
one another they are stepping into the energy field where little universes of
fire are ignited, where chemistry occurs, where something within them will be
set aflame.
In so doing they are truly communicating with the
divine.
The key to the books use, I think, is found in the evocative
quotes at the head of each short chapter, from scripture to the Beatles, from
Miguel de Unamuno to Teilhard de Chardin and of course the Velveteen Rabbit and
Saint-Exupéry.
Tender Fires could be read productively as notes for
meditation. Such treatment might give the repetition cumulative power, and the
brevity of the consideration of such large topics might serve the reader rather
than infuriate her. I could imagine it being read in conjunction with keeping a
journal, to encourage questions and the personal adaptation of statements such
as: One of the signs of maturity is the capacity to know when and how
much to disclose.
I arrived near the end of the book, however, with a sense of
fast-accelerating disappointment as, again and again, the authors assumed the
key tenets to be self-evident, that anything authentically and deeply
human is inherently spiritual. Persons who are already convinced of the
spiritual promise of sexuality and who are looking for appropriate words to
wrap around their convictions will find this book a godsend. Perhaps, now that
the case has largely been made for the importance of healthy sexuality to human
life (spiritually, physically and emotionally), it will be enough for them.
The disappointment became more intense as it became clear that
sexuality was not going to be approached in other than a highly
intellectualized and personally detached way. The ephemeral we is
annoying, it begins as a distancer and fades into the generalized we of
humanity.
They have affirmed clearly that they believe these
things to be true. But why are these ideas indispensable for the rest of us?
How are we to calculate their consequences in our lives? One extended example,
applied with honesty from their own experience, would have been worth many of
the books abstract lists to make the work inclusive and universally
applicable. Mostly the authors describe ideal forms of thought or behavior and
then expect the reader to employ conventional spiritual and psychological means
to integrate them into their lives (for example, Both repression and
addiction are essentially attempts to escape the tasks of becoming truly
incarnate). That approach is characteristic of workshop education, which
values description and testimony and underuses evidence, argument and thorough
exposition of a particular viewpoint.
Most people, however, do not need affirmations, even rapturous
ones about sexuality, as much as they need reasons, analyses of consequences,
and strategies for deconstructing an old view and integrating a new one into
their lives. How credible are these words in the real world? How applicable are
they to people whose sexuality is as individual as their fingerprint? In a
workshop the adjustment and application to individual need and difference would
become clearer as real people examine their own lives in memory and
imagination. But here, between the covers of a book, we dont have that
crucial ingredient of workshop education. Robert Frosts dictum could
apply: Never say more than the truth; its too weak. The experience
reminded me of reading a cookbook with no recipes.
As it stands this book belongs to the comforting genre of
spiritual reverie. Short on sources, contexts and strategies,
unrelievedly subjective without being personal, it floats generalizations in an
atmosphere of openness and hope. I wonder if the book would not have been more
successful, original and persuasive had the authors begun with their
vision statements of the last chapters, and then developed each
statement exhaustively in longer chapters.
There are still miles to go to keep the promise of this excellent
title.
Joan H. Timmerman is emeritus professor of theology at the
College of St. Catherine, St. Paul, Minn. and author of Sexuality and
Spiritual Growth (Crossroad).
National Catholic Reporter, August 30,
2002
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