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Column
Men key to ending war against women
By DEMETRIA MARTINEZ
It was a moment of female bonding,
sealed by a loud whoop my mother and I let out, fists in the air, when she told
me that an Albuquerque woman shot her would-be rapist to death. The woman woke
up to a man straddling her, flashlight and gun in her face. Somehow she got
hold of the gun. “Pop, pop, pop,” said the survivor, recalling the
sound in a recent appearance on “Good Morning, America.”
No such luck for Sr. Helen Chaska, 53, who was attacked Sept. 2
while strolling down a bike path in Klamath Falls, Ore. She and another nun,
members of an independent traditionalist order, were reciting the rosary. Both
were sexually assaulted. The attacker strangled Chaska to death with her rosary
beads.
Every two to three minutes in this country, a woman is sexually
assaulted. “Business as usual goes on,” said author Kay Hagan.
“And the business as usual is invisible.” Hagan, who has written
extensively on women’s issues, told NCR that on a global level
“violence begets violence.” This does not, however, hold true for
women and men, she said.
“Otherwise women, given their ongoing victimization, would be
very violent people,” Hagan said. “Our spirits have been broken. We
know that to strike back only increases the violence against us -- because
society does not hold men accountable.”
Following the Albuquerque incident, police were inundated with
calls from people wanting to help the survivor feel safer. One company donated
a home security system plus daily monitoring fees, which would ordinarily be
from $200 to $1,000, depending on the size of the house. Still more called
offering donations of money. The donors meant well, to be sure. But they miss
the point. Until we teach boys to disassociate violence and “manhood”
(and until rapists get the time they deserve behind bars), nothing will
change.
The Summer 2002 issue of Ms. magazine reports on a public
service ad campaign that enlists men in the cause of educating boys. Called
“Teach Early,” the campaign invites dads, teachers, coaches, and
mentors to talk with boys about violence against women. “Teach Early”
is sponsored by the Family Violence Prevention Fund and the Ad Council and
employs various media.
A print ad, for example, shows boys in baseball uniforms, and the
words: “What they learn as boys, they do as men. That’s why we need
to teach our sons and other boys in our lives that violence against women is
wrong. Now, when they need to hear it most.”
The Family Violence Prevention Fund is also working with the
National High School Athletic Coaches Association. Fund president Esta Soler
plans to educate the coaches, giving them the tools they need to communicate to
boys that “abuse doesn’t make you a man,” Soler told Ms.
magazine. For more information on the “Teach Early” campaign, visit
the Family Violence Prevention Fund Web site, www.endabuse.org. Help end
the war against women.
Demetria Martinez writes from Albuquerque, N.M.
National Catholic Reporter, September 20,
2002
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